Armadillo's Ballroom
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Pyro introduces Remy and Piotr to a fun, unorthodox activity involving a certain armored animal.


**Armadillo's Ballroom**

"Alright you lunatics," Magneto growled as he struggled to keep his temper under control. "I am not going to scream and I am not going to get angry. All I want to know is HOW THE HECK DID THIS HAPPEN!"

"So much for not screaming and getting angry," Remy whispered as he, Piotr and Pyro stood before Magneto in the recreation room.

"Well?" Magneto demanded.

"Uh," Pyro gulped nervously. "It's a funny story really..."

"Wanna bet?" Magneto growled.

"Remember all those armadillos I brought into the base a while ago?" Pyro asked.

"Vaguely," Magneto glared at him. "Though my foot remembers being gnawed on by one of them pretty well! It still has the scars!"

"Well, after you told me to get rid of them I kinda went and let them dig some burrows in a corner of one of the storage rooms and fenced the area off," Pyro said. "An area which they have been pretty content to stay in until now."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth ran by the doorway with several angry armadillos clinging to his form. "NO BITING! NO BITING! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"No kidding," Remy quipped.

"YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING A HERD OF **ARMADILLOS** IN MY BASE?" Magneto roared furiously.

"No," Pyro shook his head vehemently. "I've been keeping them under the base!"

"How is that possible?" Piotr asked. "Aren't there large storage tanks for water under the base?"

"Only beneath half of it," Pyro explained. "Once you get past the foundation the rest is pretty much open soil. Except for the occasional gas and sewage pipes."

"You pay for gas?" Piotr looked at Magneto in surprise.

"Na. He steals it the same way he does water, cable and electricity," Remy waved. "A little tap into the nearby mainlines and boom! Free utilities."

"I should have known," Piotr groaned.

"Can we get back on track here?" Magneto snapped. "Specifically how all these armadillos got loose and why they are now running around the base?"

"Well apparently the armadillos decided to become parents and had pups," Pyro went on. "This caused them to expand their burrows and seek out more food so..."

THUMP! THUMP!

CRASH!

"So now we have armadillo burrows popping up around the base in a dozen different places," Remy glanced at the latest burrow entrance as it began to spew forth armadillos.

"Allowing the armadillos access to pretty much the whole place," Pyro wrapped it up.

"Perfect! Just perfect!" Magneto threw up his hands. "My secret base has become the hub for a giant underground armadillo burrow network!"

"Why did the armadillos link their burrows in the first place?" Piotr looked confused. "I thought they were solitary animals and did not live in groups."

"They do if you raise them correctly," Pyro shrugged. "You'd be amazed at what they can learn."

"Oh geeze," Remy rolled his eyes. "Just what we need. Trained armadillos."

"Hey, armadillos are amazing animals!" Pyro snapped heatedly. "Just think how much we can learn from them."

"GET 'EM OFF ME! GET 'EM OFF ME!" Sabertooth screamed in the distance.

"Sabes is certainly getting a lesson right now," Pyro grinned.

"I'll teach you a lesson you maniac!" Magneto threatened and prepared to unleash his wrath upon Pyro. "A lesson you will never forget!"

"Grrr!" A pair of armadillos jumped up from alongside Magneto and bit him on the behind.

"YEEEOOOWWWWWW!" Magneto yelped as the armadillos quickly scurried out the door. "THAT'S IT! COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE BITING NUISANCES!" Magneto screamed as he chased after the armadillos.

"Well, I certainly did not expect that to happen," Piotr blinked.

"Hey, never underestimate an armadillo. They're full of surprises," Pyro grinned as he picked up a passing armadillo and tickled it underneath its chin. "Isn't that right Beatrice?"

"Well they better not leave any 'surprises' on me," Remy grumbled as a few armadillos sniffed at his boots. "Go on, git!"

"I am surprised at how high those armadillos were able to jump," Piotr admitted. "You would not think they would be able to do so the way they are built."

"Oh yeah, armadillos are amazing jumpers. They jump around all the time," Pyro smiled as the armadillo in his arms began to lick his face. "Though they usual do so to signal they want to dance."

"Dance?" Remy gently shook off the armadillos at his feet and gave Pyro a look. "Who ever heard of dancing armadillos?"

"Come on, armadillos love to dance!" Pyro said excitedly. "You can find them everywhere dancing to their hearts content! Along highways, in bushes, gardens, ballrooms..."

"Ballrooms?" Piotr blinked. "Armadillos do not live in ballrooms."

"Sure they do," Pyro insisted. "They make these big, wide open spaces inside their burrows where they can curl up, dance and roll around in a ball!"

"Yeah right," Remy snorted.

"It's true I tell ya! Plus dancing with armadillos is a whole lot of fun to do!" Pyro grinned and cheerfully held up his armadillo. "_I'd like to be! Waltzing with glee! In an armadillo's ballroom, in a glade!_"

"Huh?" Piotr blinked. "Is he serious?"

"What do you think?" Remy gave Piotr a look.

"_She'd let me in! To go dancin'! In her armadillo's ballroom, in a glade!_" Pyro began to glide around the room.

SMASH!

"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS YOU LITTLE MENACES!" Magneto was heard yelling. "I JUST HAD THESE PANTS MENDED!"

"_I'd ask my friends to come and see!_" Pyro sang happily. "_An armadillo's ballroom with me!_"

"Gee, I think I'd have to pass on that one," Remy drawled sarcastically.

"So would I," Piotr said. "Though maybe if the space wasn't too small..."

"_I'd like to be! Waltzing with glee! In an armadillo's ballroom, in a glade!_" Pyro giggled as he continued to dance around with his armadillo.

"Man, where does he come up with these things...huh?" Remy blinked as the numerous armadillos in the room paired up and began to hop around in unison. Remy's eyes grew wide. "Piotr? Are you seeing this?"

"Uh huh," Piotr stared on in shock.

"_We'd go below! Down a burrow! To her little hideaway beneath the base!_" Pyro sang while twirling his armadillo around.

"YOU STUBID NAMINAL! LEGGO MY NOSE!" Sabertooth yelped painfully from somewhere. "GAHHHHHH!"

"_Eyes would shine bright! By candlelight! In an armadillo's ballroom, face to face!_" Pyro smiled and raised his armadillo above his head.

"I'VE GOT YOU NOW!" Magneto shouted triumphantly in the distance.

CRASH!

TINKLE! TINKLE!

"ARRRGGGHHH!" More sounds of frustration were heard. "THIS IS INSUFFERABLE! PYRO JUST HAD TO SELECT AN ANIMAL WITH NATURAL ARMOR! HEY, GET AWAY FROM THERE!"

THUNK!

"_We would sing and dance around!_" Pyro and the assorted armadillo couples in the room proceeded to do so. "_Because we'd know we shan't be found!_"

"I do not believe I am seeing this," Piotr rubbed his eyes.

"I know one thing that can't be found around here," Remy gaped at the sight. "Some sanity."

"_I'd like to be! Waltzing with glee! In an armadillo's ballroom, in a glade!_" Pyro laughed and executed a perfect telemark.

"I can't stand it," Remy groaned while continuing to witness Pyro's performance. "My brain has reached its madness limit and has overloaded. Again!"

"Hehehehehe!" Pyro cackled happily while skillfully weaving in and out between various armadillo couples.

"We gotta cut down on the amount of sugar that boy eats," Remy rubbed the bridge of his nose. "And his access to scented candles, right Piotr? Piotr?"

"Um, may I join you?" Piotr partnered up with an unpaired armadillo and experimentally tried a few steps. "Hey, this is kind of fun!"

"Oh no!" Remy cried. "Madness is contagious!"

"That's it Colossus! Go with the flow!" Pyro cheered as he spun around with his armadillo. "_We would hug! And cut a rug!_ _As music, mutants and 'dillos play!_"

"I wished they'd stop playing with my boots," Remy grumbled as one lone armadillo continued to cling to his leg. "Will you let go already?"

"_What a sight! For every Acolyte! Watching the armadillos sway!_" Pyro laughed as several armadillos formed a circle and did so in unison.

"Alright! Fine! You win! Let's go!" Remy swept the excited armadillo off his boot and began to twirl around with it. "But only if I get to lead."

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

"OW! WHAT THE HECK?" Magneto yelled in aggravation. "SINCE WHEN DO ARMADILLOS SHOOT SPITWADS? OW! HOW IN THE WORLD DID THEY MANAGE TO LEARN THAT? **PYRO!**"

"_We would be so happy, safe and free!_" Pyro bellowed at the top of his lungs as armadillos hopped about everywhere. "_No one there to tell us what to do!_"

"DIE YOU DUMB VARMINTS! DIE!" Magneto screamed in fury.

ZING! ZING! ZING!

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

"YAAAHHHHHH!"

"_I'd like to be! Waltzing with glee! In an armadillo's ballroom, with you!_" The three Acolytes sang in harmony while surrounded by dancing armadillos. "_In an armadillo's ballroom, with you!_ _In an armadillo's ballroom, with yooou!_"

RUMMMBLE!

"COME BACK HERE YOU ANNOYING, GRAY FOOTBALLS!" Magneto screeched like mad. "DON'T YOU DARE ROLL AWAY FROM ME!"

CRASH!

"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS PYRO!" Sabertooth was heard shouting. "JUST WAIT 'TIL I GET MY CLAWS ON YOU!"

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

"AAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro laughed as the armadillo licked his face. "Armadillos. You gotta love 'em!"

**********

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "Octopus's Garden".**


End file.
